sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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