This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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