Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
