ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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