p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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