I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
