Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
