so let's talk penis.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
