ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
