You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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