She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
