THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize