i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
