You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
