Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
tell me about the eggs
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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