I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
