that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
