I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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