so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
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and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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