Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
