I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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