Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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