yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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