I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
