What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
