he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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