In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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