Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize