That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
this boner is exhausting
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
