I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
