She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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