Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
