I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
