but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
