dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
