i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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