ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
