cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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