I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
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she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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