i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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