I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My cat gives me a boner
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
