why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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