He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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