Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
