You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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