Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
