We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
