no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize