before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
