How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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