i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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