i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
