Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize