pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
