My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
