yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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