Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The best revenge is premature balding
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
