Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
