Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
