I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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