I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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