I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
