I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I will pee on everything he values.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
