And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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