So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
