it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
